


Four-Letter Word, But I Don't Have The Guts To Say It

by HelldiverOfLykos



Series: Be Your Everything [1]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Based on a Boys Like Girls song, DEAL WITH IT, First Kiss, Fluff, Harry Hart Lives, It's angst, Love Confessions, M/M, but who the fuck cares, okay so the angst is not as mild as I said it was, pining!Eggsy, very mild angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-30 04:46:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5150771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelldiverOfLykos/pseuds/HelldiverOfLykos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first in a series of short Hartwin fics based on the lyrics of the Boys Like Girls' song "Be Your Everything". Lots of fluff and angst, so BRACE YOURSELVES.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eggsy had wanted to say it so many times, but the words just refused to come. Then Harry went to Kentucky. And Eggsy knew Harry would never hear those words escape his lips.</p>
<p>That was, until Eggsy found out Harry was alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four-Letter Word, But I Don't Have The Guts To Say It

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys like this! This first one's going to be mildly angsty, just so ya know. I've got one later fic that will probably kill some of you, though. Enjoy your fluff while it lasts!

Eggsy should have said it the moment he first saw Harry standing outside the Police Station, looking just _so fucking perfect_. It had taken everything in Eggsy not to go over and snog the confidence out of his face.

He had been given the chance to choose his future. But he hadn't taken it.

***

Eggsy should have said it after Harry Fucking Hart took out Dean's goons and half-destroyed The Black Prince. The cool composure he had seen outside the police station had still been there, but there was a dark undertone of ice-cold rage underneath the impeccable suit and perfectly styled hair as he charged into a fight scene straight out of an action movie. It made Eggsy want to tangle those fingers with his own; fingers that had pulled the triggers of guns and taken lives with long, slim fingers that were scraped and slightly calloused from hours of practicing parkour and freerunning. But he barely knew Harry. And Harry could never feel the same way for his _friend's son._

So he didn't say it.

***

Eggsy should have said it when Harry was in the Infirmary, out cold. He was _that close_ to losing him. Harry was sitting on the thin line between life and death, and even though Merlin would never say it out loud, there was always a chance that they might lose Harry if something went wrong. The words should have come easily since Harry was in a fucking _coma_. But somehow, having the perfect opportunity placed in front of him made it so much harder.

So he didn't say it.

***

Eggsy should have said it when Harry woke up, in the few precious moments they had had together. Eggsy was wrapped up in his training for most of the day, with barely any time to get any rest outside the few hours of sleep they got each day. He had managed to squeeze in a couple of minutes _just_ to see Harry. He would have said it, but then, Merlin happened (the fucking prick...)

So he didn't say it.

***

Eggsy should have said it while he was stil tied to the train tracks, adrenalin searing his veins like liquid fire. He had nearly fainted with relief when he saw Harry's face looking down at him instead of the sneering mask(?) that had been there moments before. He was feeling jittery and stupid and very nearly let the words slip, but he realized at the last moment that Merlin was watching them.

So he didn't say it.

***

Eggsy should have said it Harry's office, when Harry was still proud of him. His face was practically _glowing_ with pride, and the world was perfect in that moment when Harry smiled at him. It was all that Eggsy wanted to see for the rest of his life. All that he needed to see for the rest of his life. He could have gone completely blind the next moment and not have minded at all. If he were to go, he wanted Harry's face to be the last thing he saw. But he couldn't bear to imagine the expression that Harry would wear if Eggsy said those three words.

So he didn't say them.

***

Eggsy should have said it before Harry left, before he got on the plane that would fly him to his doom. He should have told Harry just how much he meant to Eggsy before he was snatched away from his grasp forever and taken to a world beyond our own, leaving behind a broken boy who had made the biggest mistake of his life.

He hadn't said the words.

And now Harry would never be there to hear him say them.

***

Eggsy should have said them at the funeral, when they buried a(n empty) black coffin somewhere behind the Kingsman mansion. Eggsy had fallen further than anyone had expected, and nobody could bring back the bright, smiling boy that had saved the world just a week before. He should have said it. He knew he should have. But it hurt too much. Watching the man you love die in front of you fucks you right up.

So he didn't say it.

He just let the tears slip silently down his face.

***

Eggsy finally said them when he came back from a high-risk mission to find Harry Fucking Hart sitting in his study, looking exactly like he did on the night of the train tracks test except for the scar splayed across his left temple. Eggsy had dashed across the room in three long strides, right into Harry's outstretched arms. And Harry was everywhere, his arms encircling Eggsy, his scent filling Eggsy's lungs, his body living and _breathing_ and so _alive_ under Eggsy's hands.

He almost apologized again for being such a _fucking_ disappointment, but Harry just shushed him gently by placing a finger on his lips. Eggsy's lips parted _ever-so-slightly_ with suprise, and _H a r r y w a s k i s s i n g h i m._

It was gentle and soft and sweet and _perfect._ It was a kiss that said everything they had never said. It was a kiss that said _I'm sorry_ and _I forgive you_ and _I missed you_ and _I need you_ and _You FUCKING IDIOT._ But three words stood out above the tangled mass of emotions that hung between them.

One letter.

Four letters.

Three letters.

 

_I love you._

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always appreciated! My tumblr is **willasherlyscottholmes** if you'd like to chat or fangirl over random shit with me.


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